Thursday, September 15, 2011

Keep Her!

After we had moved Hilary’s belongings into the dorm, organized some things, had lunch and toured the campus, we made a trip into Eureka to pick up some last-minute things at Target. Then we took Ethan and Hilary to dinner. That’s when it began to hit me…I am actually leaving my daughter 3.5 hours from home. This isn’t a sleepover…I am leaving her at college. I was very quiet at dinner simply because I didn’t trust myself to talk without crying. When we dropped them back off at the school, I must admit I shed a few tears. I quickly volunteered to drive for awhile (you know you can’t cry very hard and see to drive at the same time) . As we were leaving the campus, we drove past her dorm building. I looked up at the window and thought to myself, “She’s in there…embarking on her future.” Thoughts swirled around and around in my head as I drove.

Our children come to us for such a short time. Eighteen years. Maybe twenty-one. Sometimes they become “boomerang children” and come back to live with us again for awhile. But they’re not meant to stay. They are always leaving.

I must admit that it’s not easy to let them go. You can read the books or attend the classes, but it doesn’t make it any easier. From the very first moment I met my daughter in that delivery room 21 years ago, I have wanted to keep her safe. Keep her warm. Keep her happy. Keep her healthy. Keep her! It is hard to accept the fact that I don’t get to keep her!

She’s not mine, though. Hilary was created by God to change the world. That is the sweet and beautiful truth. He has plans for her. He calls her by name. He has engraved her name on the palms of His hands. He knows the number of hairs on her head. He treasures Hilary. He loves her. He keeps her.

And because I know He keeps her, I can let her go.


  1. That last line is priceless. I know just what you mean. Praying during this transition.

  2. Great post! So true. God is watching over her but it's still ok to cry! ; ) Love ya cousin...

  3. I too, really liked that last line. We know it but it is still hard and God understands our tears. Besides crying is cleansing for the soul sometimes. As a mother, I so understand. Love you, Jill