The last few days I have spent a lot of time reflecting on 2009. I tend to expect a lot from myself, so I'm rarely satisfied with my accomplishments even though my efforts are strong. I just want to be an excellent woman, wife, mother, daughter, and friend. At this time of the year, especially, I feel disappointed and feel like I’ve never done enough. I always have regrets of things I didn’t do, people I didn’t keep in contact with, etc.
During the days leading up to New Years, I make lists in my head (and sometimes on paper) of things I’m going to do or ways I’m going to change (New Year’s resolutions). Most of the time I set my sights too high, and I find myself throwing in the towel when the New Year is only a few weeks old. By expecting too much, I set myself up to fail. Then I feel guilty!
Looking to 2010, I feel apprehensive about the future -- Who will die this year?, What medical issues will we have this year?, and the list goes on and on in my head. It’s all fresh and new and exciting, but I’m just not feeling it.
This morning I remembered that Sunday at church we sang, Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus:
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim.
In the light of His glory and grace.
I’m turning my eyes to You.
Forgive me for my shortcomings of 2009.
I trust You for 2010, knowing that You have always been faithful!!