Thursday, December 31, 2009

Baring My Soul and A Prayer...

New Years is supposed to be a new beginning and a time to start again. It is an opportunity to reflect on our life and feel renewed hope for the future. But, in all honesty, New Years is my least favorite holiday. I become very melancholy this time of year.

The last few days I have spent a lot of time reflecting on 2009. I tend to expect a lot from myself, so I'm rarely satisfied with my accomplishments even though my efforts are strong. I just want to be an excellent woman, wife, mother, daughter, and friend. At this time of the year, especially, I feel disappointed and feel like I’ve never done enough. I always have regrets of things I didn’t do, people I didn’t keep in contact with, etc.

During the days leading up to New Years, I make lists in my head (and sometimes on paper) of things I’m going to do or ways I’m going to change (New Year’s resolutions). Most of the time I set my sights too high, and I find myself throwing in the towel when the New Year is only a few weeks old. By expecting too much, I set myself up to fail. Then I feel guilty!

Looking to 2010, I feel apprehensive about the future -- Who will die this year?, What medical issues will we have this year?, and the list goes on and on in my head. It’s all fresh and new and exciting, but I’m just not feeling it.

This morning I remembered that Sunday at church we sang, Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim.
In the light of His glory and grace.

I’m turning my eyes to You.
Forgive me for my shortcomings of 2009.
I trust You for 2010, knowing that You have always been faithful!!

Bless all my blogger friends and family!! May 2010 be a great year for them!



  1. You are a wonderful friend, mother and wife Julie! I pray God will keep turning you to the truth of how sufficient you are in God. With Him we are more than enough. Thanks for sharing your heart and being open. Love you!

  2. Ditto to all that you said. But you are being hard on yourself. You are a thoughtful, great gal to be around. You are such an encouragement to me. Thanks for being my friend and meeting many of my needs.

  3. I do know what you mean about being apprehensive about who will die this year. As my parent's get older it is something I think about and definitely do not look forward to. But do know that God is good and faithful and that old hymn is definitely true. Isaiah 26:3. Now, you are way too hard on yourself. You are the best friend. I know that you are always there for me. I love you very much, Jill