Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Holiday Eating Tips

Some of you have undoubtedly read this before, but we all need a reminder now that the holiday season is upon us, and the party invitations have started arriving!

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately! Go next door where they are serving rum balls.

Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly! It’s rare because you can’t find it any other time of the year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat! Enjoy it! Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think.

If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budget. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Cherry. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don’t like mincemeat, have a slice of apple, cherry, and pumpkin. Always have at least three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, its loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Reread the tips. Start over; but hurry, January is just around the corner.

1 comment:

  1. LOVE THIS! Haven't ever seen it before! What? Where have I been? May I borrow it for my blog? Let me know...
    Your friend, Kim

    p.s. great seeing you at choir last night Ü

    ReplyDelete